The Mama Journal | If I wasn't a mama...
If I wasn't a mama, I'd probably have the extra time and money to go leisurely roam through the nail polish aisles of a cosmetics store and pick up a few of those Essie colours I've been wanting forever. If I wasn't a mama, I'd actually wear my accessories without them getting pulled off/hidden around the house/broken/chewed on. I'd probably be able to finish my coffee without reheating it 14 times, and I'd be able to get through a shower without playing a game of shower curtain peek-a-boo / have bath toys thrown at me. If I wasn't a mama, I'd probably still be using my favourite Roots purse, instead of shoving the essentials in my wallet and throwing that in the diaper bag. If I wasn't a mama, I could probably get through a phone call with a client without it sounding like I live in a zoo, and I wouldn't have gone 18 months (and counting) without sleeping through the night. If I wasn't a mama, everything would be cleaner and more organized. Me, my home, my car, everything. But -
If I wasn't a mama,
I wouldn't have quiet moments scattered throughout busy days where I can peek around the corner and spy on a sweet, spirited girl with soft, squishy cheeks and peach fuzz hair while she slowly and methodically peels and eats a banana while sitting on the bottom step - like her papa taught her.
Moments like these - so ordinary, so small - they make me catch my breath and think Is she really mine? This perfect little human, I get to keep her? And does she really love me just as much as my heart achingly loves her? And I forget all about Essie nail polish and Roots purses and sleep. Because if I wasn't a mama... I would never know just how much my heart could love.